


You Still Have (All of Me)

by armystarlightgirl



Category: VIXX
Genre: Character Death, M/M, My Immortal - Freeform, Songfic, Suicide, really depressing one shot, sad vixx is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2015-12-13
Packaged: 2018-05-06 11:16:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5414789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/armystarlightgirl/pseuds/armystarlightgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Months after the accident, Taekwoon still cannot get Hakyeon off his mind.</p>
<p>This is based off of My Immortal by Evanescance, so I recommend listening to that before, during, or after you read this to really get the effect I was looking for!</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Still Have (All of Me)

"Hyung? Hyung please get up! N, please! Leo, LEO PLEASE COME! N WON'T GET UP!" Those words still haunted Leo to this day, even months after the incident. Ever since N's death, Leo had taken over as leader of his broken group, holding them together like glue.

"Taekwoon-ah, you need to stop crying over me." He heard a soothing voice say in his ear. Leo looked up and saw N standing at the foot of the bed, his eyes sad and as dark as his hair.

"How am I supposed to that, Hakyeon? You're gone, slipped out of my grasp-"

"Leo-hyung?" Leo blinked, and standing in Hakyeon's place was a sleepy-eyed Hyuk, his hair messed up and sticking up in places.

"Hyuk? What's the matter?" Leo asked, sitting up farther in his their bed. The maknae shuffled his feet in slight embarassment.

"I-I can't sleep. Can I stay with you for tonight?" Leo nodded. Usually Hyuk or Hongbin stayed with him during the nights, although all the others had at some point after N's death. Hyuk came and slipped under the covers, and curled up into Leo's side, exactly like Hakyeon used to. "I miss hyung..." Hyuk whispered before nodding off into sleep. Leo felt a tear slip down his cheek.

As Hyuk slept, Leo tried to tell himself that N was gone. That he was never coming back. He shook his head. He couldn't think like that. He loved Hakyeon too much.

"Why can't I seem to give you up, Hakyeon? Why do you still haunt me?" Leo whispered. He closed his eyes, picturing the boy as he was before his death.

Hakyeon's gorgeous golden skin. The way his hair would tickle Leo's neck whenever Hakyeon was curled up into his side. Hakyeon's bubbly personality, which had pulled Leo in since the very first time he met the older boy. His hugs, welcome or not. The way Hakyeon could captivate Leo with his voice, but turn around and be insecure about it the next second. The eyeliner that would run down his cheeks when the position of leader got to be too much for Hakyeon to handle, Leo wiping away every tear that fell. Hakyeon's fear of abandonment, or losing VIXX. Hakyeon's fear of losing Leo. The nightmares that would shake Leo awake via the sounds of Hakyeon's screams. The mask of confidence that Hakyeon put up around the other members, only to break down and cry in Leo's arms at night.

"Leo..." He opened his eyes, and saw Hakyeon sitting on the side of the bed nearest Hyuk.

"Hakyeon..." Leo breathed out, staring softly at the ghost of his lover. Hakyeon smiled sadly.

"If you want me gone, you have to forget me. You're the only one keeping my soul here. It's not healthy, Taekwoon-ah." Leo shook his head, refusing to let the love of his life, best friend, and soulmate go.

"I won't do that, Hakyeon. I love you too much to let you go. I can't forget you." He said quietly, trying not to wake Hyuk up. Hakyeon reached out and placed a hand on Hyuk's head, and whispered something that was too low for Leo to hear. Hyuk stiffened, but quickly relaxed, a small smile gracing his features. The first real smile Leo had seen in months.

"Jagiya..." Hakyeon sighed, using the pet name he had rarely used for Leo, expect in private.

"If I forget you, who will remember you Hakyeon? I love you! I know you the best, and love you regardless of how much you think you don't deserve it." Leo cried, locking eyes with Hakyeon, tears streaming down his face. "I have a permanent place in my heart for you Hakyeon. You expect me to heal wounds that will never close?"

"You need to, jagiya. For me, for yourself, for Hyuk, for everyone! It's not right for you to be pining over me, when I can NEVER come back. I'm dead, Taekwoon-ah. Dead. There's nothing any of us can do about it. You need to forget me, and take care of the kids. They need you, more than you need me." Hakyeon explained.

"I won't, Hakyeon. Even if it means that you will haunt me for the rest of my life, at least it means I get to see you. I need you. Your voice, your hair, your eyes, I just need you Yeonnie." Leo's voice broke on the use of Hakyeon's nickname. Hakyeon sighed, and leaned over Hyuk to press the ghost of a kiss on Leo's cheek before disappearing into the night.

After Hakyeon had left, Leo broke down. The sight of his love had sent him over the edge, reminding him of the morning he was found.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
_Leo had woken up earlier than Hakyeon, who hadn't even stirred yet, his breath soft and warm against Leo's neck. Leo pressed a quick kiss to Hakyeon's forehead, and slipped out of their room to the kitchen, where Ken and Ravi were sleepily eating bowls of Special K cereal._

_"Good morning hyung." Ravi said, his voice still husky with sleep. Leo nodded, before starting to get two bowls ready for him and Hakyeon. Hyuk wandered into the kitchen, and Leo heard the shower turn on, indicating that Hongbin was awake as well._

_"Is N-hyung not awake yet, Leo-hyung?" Hyuk asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Leo nodded._

_"He had another nightmare, so he didn't get much sleep last night, but you can wake him up if you want." Hyuk nodded and walked over to the room shared by Leo and N. He entered and Leo turned back to his cereal making._

_"N-hyung! It's time to get up!" Hyuk said cheerfully. No reply. "Hyungggggggg!" A slight squeaking, cluing into the fact that Hyuk was shaking N. "Hyung? Are you okay?" Everyone froze. "Hyung? Hyung, please get up! N, please!" A pause. "LEO! LEO, PLEASE COME HELP ME! HE'S NOT BREATHING! HE WON'T GET UP!" A sharp clatter rang through the silent room, as Leo dropped the bowl and ran over the their bedroom._

_"Ravi, call the manager, and an ambulance. But not in that order." Ken ordered, before running over to the bedroom shared by the other members of VIXX, most likely to get changed. "HONGBIN, GET OUT OF THE SHOWER. WE NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL." The shower shut off. Ravi grabbed Leo's phone off the counter, where it had been forgotten in the rush for N. He called the ambulance, and then their manager._

_"Ravi-ah, what's the matter?" Their manager asked. Ravi felt the tears spill down his cheeks, as he relived what had just happened._

_"N-N-hyung...He was late getting up today, And-and Hyuk went to wake him up...and he wasn't breathing. We called an ambulance..." Ravi began to sob, reality hitting him hard._

_"Ravi, Ravi please calm down. Have them take him to the hospital. I'll cancel your schedules for today, but the public won't know anything until we are certain about it. Have Leo or someone call me when you know which hospital he is going to. That way I can tell his family and the company. Okay? Can you do that for me?"_

_"Ye-Yes manager. I'll call you later." Ravi hung up, and buried his head in his hands. He heard sirens, and then a few minutes later, a knock on the door. He didn't get up, but someone answered the door._

_"Where is Mr. Cha Hakyeon?" He heard a gruff male voice ask, most likely one of the paramedics._

_"In here." He heard Leo quietly reply, tears imminent in his voice. Ravi lifted his head, as he saw 5 paramedics enter with a stretcher. They crossed the dorm, and entered Leo and N's room._

_"He started breathing again, Leo-hyung. But it doesn't sound good." Hyuk said, his timid voice carrying through the silent dorm._

_"Thank you, Hyuk." Leo replied softly. The paramedics came out a few minutes later, with N on their stretcher, trailed by Leo and the crying maknae._

_"We will take him to Seoul National University Hospital. I'm sorry, but only one of you can come along to the hospital in the ambulance with him." The head paramedic said._

_"Go Leo. We will be there as soon as we can." Leo nodded, and gave Hyuk a hug. As the paramedics were about to leave, Hongbin burst out of the room, his dark hair wet._

_"N? N! Where are you taking him? What's wrong with Hakyeon?" Hongbin cried out, running up to the stretcher. Hakyeon let out a weak cough._

_"Hong-bin. I'll" Another weak cough. "be fine. Take-take care" Cough "of the kids...while I'm gone." Hongbin nodded, stepping back to let them through. Leo followed the stretcher, his hand firmly attached to Hakyeon's._

_Soon after the ambulance left, with its loud, wailing siren cutting through the silence in the dorm, the rest of VIXX left for the hospital, after calling their manager back._

_When they got to the hospital, they saw Leo slumped in a chair, his strong shoulders heaving with sobs._

_"Leo-hyung?" Ravi asked. Leo looked up, tears streaming down his cheeks. His eyes were puffy and bloodshot._

_"Cha Hakyeon. June 21, 2016. 8:45 AM. Cause of death: previously unseen heart defect." Leo started sobbing again, his hand closed around N's friendship ring that matched the rest of VIXX._

_"Did he get to say anything?" Hongbin asked. Leo nodded. "What did he-?" Leo sniffled, and sat up._

_"He said 'Leo. Taekwoonie. Take care of the kids for me. Tell Ravi to never stop composing, that he is amazing. Tell Hongbin not to be so hard on himself, that he can do it if he sets his mind to it. Tell Hyuk that it's not his fault, there's nothing he could have done. Tell Ken to never stop smiling, to be happy and bright for the sake of the members. And you, Taekwoonie. My love, please please don't blame yourself. None of this was in our control. Remember our love, jagiya. I love you, Jung Taekwoon.'" By the end of the retelling of Hakyeon's final speech, all the members were in tears, as the words of their fallen leader washed over them. They would never forget._  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Leo sat back on the bed, leaning against the headboard. The maknae was still curled up on the other side, Hakyeon's side of the bed.

"We won't forget you, jagi." Leo whispered. "How could we? The Starlights, the rest of the members. We remember you. I may be the only one who can see you, but that's okay with me. That's all I need." Leo's hands shook. He wanted to be with Hakyeon, but there was only one way for that to happen, and he didn't want Hyuk finding another dead leader.

"I just can't, Hakyeon." Suddenly, he felt another presence besides the sleeping maknae. He exhaled, and turned to face his dead love, who was caressing Hyuk's hair.

"Are you sure you want to do this Taekwoon? They've just begun to heal..." Hakyeon asked, his dark eyes questioning Leo. Leo shook his head.

"I can't live without you, Hakyeon. It's not healthy for me, but I will never love anyone else." Hakyeon nodded, and Leo thought he saw a small silver tear streak its way across Hakyeon's tanned cheek.

"You know what to do then." With that, Hakyeon disappeared.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
_The next morning was chaos for the VIXX members. Ravi had gone to check on Hyuk, and found Leo on the floor, a letter curled in his slim hand. Luckily, Hyuk was not awake, so it was easy for Ravi to carry the maknae into the other oom, and let his curl up against Hongbin. He returned to Leo's room, and took the letter from the cold boy's hand. He read it first, then went to wake up the others, to inform them of what had happened, and read them the letter._

_Dearest members,_

_I'm so sorry. I know I may not be good at expressing my emotions, but I love you all very much. None of this was about any of you or anything you have done. As all of you know, I've had a hard time without Hakyeon. I couldn't bear it anymore, and that is why this had to happen. Ravi, I'm assuming you found this letter and my body, as you have been protecting the Maknae since the incident. I'm so sorry, Ravi, Please don't give up on everyone. Watch over them, like Hakyeon and I did for you. Tell the other members that i am very sorry. Hongbin, you are better than you let yourself believe. Keep your heart in it, and you will go places, I'm sure of it. Ken don't blame your actions for this. Hakyeon and I both loved you a lot, even though we often got annoyed by you. You were a very dear friend. Hyuk, my precious maknae. You are so much stronger than you know, and I know you will move on. Well, don't move on, but keep living your life for me and for Hakyeon. Again, I'm so so so so so so sorry. We will watch over you always, as you grow and mature and make your own adult decisions. I love you all._

_With love,_

_Jung Taekwoon_


End file.
